It has been so hard to hold on."Zoë paused and looked at him after that. Then she spoke quietly to him, "A Zen master sat before a young man who had come petitioning him to accept him as a student. He had traveled far to meet the master because word of his wisdom had spread to his distant country and the young man yearned for enlightenment. The master listened to the young man describe the path he had been following and the many teachers he had listened to before finding his way to the master. He nodded his approval for the young man's efforts and gestured to an empty tea cup on the table before reaching for the pot beside the brazier. The student was honored to be served by the master and lifted the cup carefully. The master began pouring the steaming tea into the rough bowl of the delicate cup and the young man flinched and looked up in surprise as the hot tea spilled over the lip and onto his fingers. Hesitantly he cautioned the master to stop pouring. The cup was full he said.. ”“I’m all right ... better than all right. I feel satisfaction like I’ve never felt before ... closeness, oneness like I’ve never felt before ... and love. I feel so much love I feel like I’m floating in it.”“I feel it all, too,” I replied.“Today was magical. You bought me that dress. We made love in the shower. That romantic dinner with Champagne ... coming back to the room for the best lovemaking of my life. I will cherish today forever.”“Then why the distance?”“I didn’t mean to be distant.” She put her arm around me and pulled herself against me. “I was thinking. You keep asking me why I dumped you.”“We don’t have to talk about this, now,” I interjected.“I want to ... need to talk about it, now,” she replied.“You said you don’t understand why.”“I know the reason -- I don’t understand my reasoning. I know I had a reputation in high school. It wasn’t one I deserved. I think it was because of the clique I hung out with. I was a virgin, Casey. I didn’t want to be one anymore. None of.
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